I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
