why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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