hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
