and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Will you blow on my dice?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
a search helicopter?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
