Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
