I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
