After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
