and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
