Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
