I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
