recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
