what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
