listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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