Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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