so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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