we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
