I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
