pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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