The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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