you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
