Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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