Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
