another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
