On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
