after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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