He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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