it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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