the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
