In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The air was thick with penises
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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