im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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