It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
