Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
