I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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