I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
