"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
