apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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