lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
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