After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
