I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
