I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
