I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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