Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
