rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
