It was like getting head from an anaconda
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
