I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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