The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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