it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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