Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
