I think I died a long time ago.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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