Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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