I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
