He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
