fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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