you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
