i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
