My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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