Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How's work?
Spinning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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