His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
