I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
