hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sober January is a disaster.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
