I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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