If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
