I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
