Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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