she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
