yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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