This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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