need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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