Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
