I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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