There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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