How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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