One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
